MADitorial: Banking On Bad Headline Writing Skills & Helping Thieves

English is my third language, but even now I recall teachers at St. Paul's High School in Karachi, Pakistan, teaching us to be careful in stringing words together. One of my favorite songs, Stairway To Heaven says something about how "sometimes words have two meanings". But, sentence structure can have even more impact.

But, all too often, we see news stories, especially headlines, that can mean the opposite of what the writer intended. And, most often, they are not deliberate puns. I am sure I am guilty of such errors too.

Today's daily email from the Palm Beach Post in my Inbox is amusing.

It states:

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Armored-car worker shot at bank near West Palm

Attempted robbery happened this morning Wachovia Bank on Okeechobee Boulevard.

View map of bank | More crime news

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First of all, the way it is written, the text suggests that the armored car worker, an armed guard usually, is the one who shot at the bank building or something related to the bank.

Secondly, the sub-heading does not continue logically from the headline itself. For example, it could have conveyed the same information, but tied to the headline by saying something like this, "Shot by bandits during morning robbery at Okeechobee Wachovia Bank" - even using terse verbiage for space-saving reasons.

But, what I find amusing about this reporting is how conveniently the "More crime news" link is placed right next to "View map of the bank"... the better to help the next set of bank robbers plan their getaway perhaps!

In Defense Of Self Defense & Supreme Court Shooting Down DC Gun Laws

It was a split decision, but at last and at least the Supreme Court of the United States has taken a stand on the American Constitution.

Sadly, it has not had much to say on violations of the Constitution carried out by the Bush regime, nor taken any stand on the daily decline in our constitutionally protected rights.

More important to them than the Constitution being torn to shreds were Washington, DC (District of Columbia) gun laws that ban legal ownership of guns by DC citizens.

Mind you, DC, among other cities, has often vied for the Murder Capital of the World title. So, I can see the local law enforcement's logic in trying to ban guns (for the last 32 years). But, both as someone born in Pakistan and having been taught to handle my father's favorite Webley & Scott revolver, and now as an American with an affinity for Smith & Wesson/Walther devices, I fully support the right of Americans to bear arms.

Of course, the NRA, of which I should be a member but am not, would probably disagree with my contention that there do have to be some limits on the types, and possibly even number, of guns we can or should be allowed to own.

I support the right to bear arms for several reasons.

My interest in owning weapons includes having them for target shooting, self-defence and all that the Constitution intended as good reasons to bear arms.

However, I also do not think we, or any non-law-enforcement citizen, need some sort of 3000 rounds per minute assault rifle or machine gun to do all of the things above.

We live in unsafe times. Security of the homeland means protecting ourselves not just from would be suicide-bombers but also from armed home invaders, drug dealers, road-rage-warriors, thugs, muggers, petty criminals, gang members, and so many other types of vile scum that can easily snuff out our lives for a few Dollars, or on a whim.

So, I do support the Supreme Court decision shooting down the DC gun laws, but I also hope for two more things.

The Supreme Court, and American courts in general, should also not hobble American law-enforcement from coming down hard on hard core criminals who often brazenly conduct their business better armed than our Police officers.

Of course, it would also be nice if the Supreme Court actually did something more to protect the whole Constitution itself from our increasingly fascist dictatorial executive branch and lame, crippled Congress, and spineless Senate, and not just try to address one particular aspect of the Constitution. What do you think?

"King Of Spam" To Be "Queen Of Slam" In Prison Showers

I was delighted, and highly amused, by news that the so-called "King Of Spam", Robert Soloway, has pleaded guilty to fraud and other crimes. He may face 26 years in prison.

There are several ironies here.

One, just like Al Capone, he is not going to prison for his actual crimes (shamelessly sending spam and explicitly inappropriate content, without caring if children were the recipients, costing users and ISPs millions or more in extra costs and time/effort wastage) but for tax fraud. Al Capone must be turning in his grave.

Two, it would be such sweet poetic justice, and irony, when he finds himself the new "Queen of Slam" or 'bitch' of some hard core prisoners in the prison cells and showers.

Triple the irony, if his new "Daddy Bubba" and buddies are criminals who had actually ordered and used penis enlargement pills AND Viagra that Robert Soloway may have at one time emailed them about.

Quadruple the irony, if those pills actually had worked... poor Robert Soloway. It's going to be a long, long, long, hard, hard, hard 26 years in prison.

Rude Giuliani Out, Florida Voters Got This One Right

While Florida voters may have been the butt of many jokes for the last 8 years - that just happen to coincide with the George W. Bush presidency - at least the Republican primary voters got one thing right.

They brought to an end the implausible, and frankly, embarrassing, attempt of a third-rate politician like Rudy Giuliani to run for President.

Most people know where I stand on that, as I wrote less than one year ago.

Nothing can make up for the damage my Floridian friends did to the USA in enabling Bush to get selected by the Supreme Court. But at least the Republican voters in Florida sent Giuliani packing, back to New York.

Now he can go back to making money by cashing in on 9/11 some more.

Ideally, he and Kerik would both be cell-mates somewhere.

But that may only happen in some parallel universe somewhere else.

For now, Giuliani Out is the best piece of news for our nation.