MADitorial: Banking On Bad Headline Writing Skills & Helping Thieves

English is my third language, but even now I recall teachers at St. Paul's High School in Karachi, Pakistan, teaching us to be careful in stringing words together. One of my favorite songs, Stairway To Heaven says something about how "sometimes words have two meanings". But, sentence structure can have even more impact.

But, all too often, we see news stories, especially headlines, that can mean the opposite of what the writer intended. And, most often, they are not deliberate puns. I am sure I am guilty of such errors too.

Today's daily email from the Palm Beach Post in my Inbox is amusing.

It states:

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Armored-car worker shot at bank near West Palm

Attempted robbery happened this morning Wachovia Bank on Okeechobee Boulevard.

View map of bank | More crime news

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First of all, the way it is written, the text suggests that the armored car worker, an armed guard usually, is the one who shot at the bank building or something related to the bank.

Secondly, the sub-heading does not continue logically from the headline itself. For example, it could have conveyed the same information, but tied to the headline by saying something like this, "Shot by bandits during morning robbery at Okeechobee Wachovia Bank" - even using terse verbiage for space-saving reasons.

But, what I find amusing about this reporting is how conveniently the "More crime news" link is placed right next to "View map of the bank"... the better to help the next set of bank robbers plan their getaway perhaps!

In Defense Of Self Defense & Supreme Court Shooting Down DC Gun Laws

It was a split decision, but at last and at least the Supreme Court of the United States has taken a stand on the American Constitution.

Sadly, it has not had much to say on violations of the Constitution carried out by the Bush regime, nor taken any stand on the daily decline in our constitutionally protected rights.

More important to them than the Constitution being torn to shreds were Washington, DC (District of Columbia) gun laws that ban legal ownership of guns by DC citizens.

Mind you, DC, among other cities, has often vied for the Murder Capital of the World title. So, I can see the local law enforcement's logic in trying to ban guns (for the last 32 years). But, both as someone born in Pakistan and having been taught to handle my father's favorite Webley & Scott revolver, and now as an American with an affinity for Smith & Wesson/Walther devices, I fully support the right of Americans to bear arms.

Of course, the NRA, of which I should be a member but am not, would probably disagree with my contention that there do have to be some limits on the types, and possibly even number, of guns we can or should be allowed to own.

I support the right to bear arms for several reasons.

My interest in owning weapons includes having them for target shooting, self-defence and all that the Constitution intended as good reasons to bear arms.

However, I also do not think we, or any non-law-enforcement citizen, need some sort of 3000 rounds per minute assault rifle or machine gun to do all of the things above.

We live in unsafe times. Security of the homeland means protecting ourselves not just from would be suicide-bombers but also from armed home invaders, drug dealers, road-rage-warriors, thugs, muggers, petty criminals, gang members, and so many other types of vile scum that can easily snuff out our lives for a few Dollars, or on a whim.

So, I do support the Supreme Court decision shooting down the DC gun laws, but I also hope for two more things.

The Supreme Court, and American courts in general, should also not hobble American law-enforcement from coming down hard on hard core criminals who often brazenly conduct their business better armed than our Police officers.

Of course, it would also be nice if the Supreme Court actually did something more to protect the whole Constitution itself from our increasingly fascist dictatorial executive branch and lame, crippled Congress, and spineless Senate, and not just try to address one particular aspect of the Constitution. What do you think?

Copped Third Degree Burns Cop, Gets Third Degree

The Palm Beach Post recently ran a story about a sergeant named Richard Carl, who was getting extra pay because of his extra-hard work in adding to his capabilities and credentials by working towards a Bachelors, Masters AND PhD degrees.

In normal circumstances this would be a great and inspiring story. Though it does not make sense to me, I do know some very smart people who have managed to work on a Masters and Doctoral degrees at the same time. But, getting the third (academic) degree led to the cop being grilled and given the third degree. It seems that by some miracle, he got all THREE DEGREES on the SAME DAY, and mostly without attending classes, or studying, through some well-shielded scam running as a church and offering degrees for sale.

His career would have definitely suffered third degree burns, if government departments were not so good at damage control, covering up, and insulating their own people and mistakes. If only we all could be so lucky.

I must sign off now, I have 90 minutes before midnight to get my PhD from the same 'educational institution'.